There Really is No Cleaning Fairy

Waiter Pet Peeves...

Candy wrappers discarded on the floor. Come on people, I know that you are out for a good time when you go to a restaurant - but let me tell you, some of you are just slobs! What, do you think that there is some little cleaning fairy that runs around after you cleaning up your mess? Please! It might seem like it, but waiters are not magicians. We can't just crinkle our nose a-la-I Dream of Jeannie and POOF - all clean!

White linen napkins discarded on the plate in a pile of Marinara sauce. News flash - I know that you are finished your meal, but how rude of you to throw your napkin onto your plate. What - do they look like disposable paper napkins to you? Someone has to try to get those soiled napkins clean, you know! Maybe I should go to your house and stomp all over your linens with muddy boots. Perhaps it would help you gain a brain cell!

People incapable of synchronizing their orders.
Scenario: Waiter asks everyone at the table if they would like a drink, but only two people speak up. The waiter heads off to the bar to make it. Just as the waiter returns to the table with the two drinks, some fool invariably realizes that they wanted a drink as well. Worse yet, is when they want the same drink the waiter just brought to the table. Oh yes, waiters don't walk nearly enough miles in a given shift, they just relish the thought of making an extra trip just because you were too stupid to order it in the first place. Yes - good times!

People incapable of remembering what they ordered.
Scenario:
A waiter approaches the table, carrying food for another waiter. With hot plates in both hands, the waiter politely asks "And who ordered the veal piccata?" The waiter is met with a sea of blank stares. The waiter tries again "Who ordered the veal piccata with the potatoe and vegetable?" The waiter now realizes that in about five seconds, they are going to have third degree burns on their fingers...for the love of God, can't you people remember what you ordered? Oh...is that a light bulb I see turning on... One patron sitting at the table turns to the person to her left and says "Oh, isn't the veal piccata what you ordered?" As the dawn of recognition spreads across the face of the moron who can't remember what they ordered for dinner, the waiter is thinking "Don't worry - take you're f---king time! I love standing here with my fingers burning while you try to recall what you ordered!" So fun!

Advice for the Day:

Waiters are many things, but they are not... magicians, janitors or mind-readers.